


Wandr

by Self_Indulgent_TMNT



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Crack Fic, M/M, Magical History Lesson, Wizard Dating App
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-27
Updated: 2020-11-27
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:34:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,702
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27740842
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Self_Indulgent_TMNT/pseuds/Self_Indulgent_TMNT
Summary: Draco Malfoy receives a notification from his Wandr that he doesn't like.He goes on a quest to figure out if the wizard matchmaking system is ever wrong, because surely it must be in this case.All he gets, though, is a lesson from Professor Binns in Wandr's history.So the backstory here is that my friends and I joked about the existence of a magical dating app named Wandr and it became clear I needed to record our invention. To make it work as a fic instead of just a list of ideas, I framed it with some very mild Drarry.I hope you enjoy.
Relationships: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter
Comments: 2
Kudos: 9





	Wandr

**Author's Note:**

> I am aware not everything necessarily lines up 100% accurately with real life dates of dating apps and with the timescale of HP but please indulge me.

The Slytherin common room had a very distinctive ambiance: crackling fire, echoing footsteps, doors slamming and the occasional raised voice if you were lucky. By the time he was in his sixth year at Hogwarts, Draco knew these sounds very well. It would be immediately apparent if something was out of place. Like the sweet sound of tinkling windchimes which was universally known to be the sound of a Wandr notification.

Draco tensed, eyes raising from his book in irritation. What fool hadn’t put their damn Wandr on silent?

The sound rang out again, loud and clear and coming from his pocket.

Draco froze, instinctively replacing embarrassment with anger as he glared daggers at anyone who dared look. He reached inside his robes and produced the small object.

It was about the size of a pocket watch and covered in silver plate. Embossed on one side was the word _Wandr_ in cursive font. Draco flicked the device open. Inside was a sheet of glass, holding in place a small amount of water, the surface of which showed a horribly familiar face. Upon opening, the device began speaking.

‘You and Harry are charmed by each other! To view your charm, swipe right!’

Draco snapped it shut, horrified. He could physically feel the eyes on him.

“Blaise!” he snapped. Blaise Zabini looked up from the blank parchment he was attempting to do his potions homework on.

“Yes?”

Draco shook the Wandr. “Why doesn’t this thing work?”

Blaise sighed. “It works. Don’t ask me why, but it works.” His face suddenly cracked into a sly smile. “Why? Who were you charmed by?”

“Shut up!” Draco snapped, shoving his Wandr and his embarrassment away.

He’d only made the profile for a laugh! They all had one! It was just teenage boys messing around in dorms at night, he’d never been very serious about it.

The Wandr potion was simple enough to make. All you needed was a jug of pure water; a hair; a drop of sweat; a tear; at least one photo of yourself; at least one memory, and a vial of the Wandr brand special potion. Once the mixture was infused together you had to plunge your face in to verify your identity and your profile was complete, ready to pour a small amount into your patented ‘Wandr Portable’ and find love.

Blaise’s family owned the famous wizard dating experience so he’d managed to get them all membership for free. Not that money mattered to them, of course.

It really had just been a bit of fun.

Draco cursed it with every bone in his body. Why, of all the people in a twenty-mile radius, had he been ‘Charmed By’ Harry Bloody Potter?

Over the next few days, Draco furiously ignored any and all Wandr notifications. The system was broken, that was his best guess. Why else would it match him with his enemy?

So, all he had to do was figure out what was wrong and fix it!

Your Wandr profile was, essentially, a potion, so potions class seemed the best bet for answers. And professor Slughorn provided him the perfect opportunity to make enquiries.

“Next lesson I will be introducing you to a plethora of minor love potions, so this week I would like you to research the basic components and magical theory behind that particular genre of potion.”

The class groaned, having collectively hoped they would get away without homework. Draco, however, saw his chance. As his classmates filed out of the room, he hung behind. “Professor?”

“Yes, Mr. Malfoy”

“I have a question, it’s sort of to do with our next lesson”

“Well I’m always willing to indulge the academic interests of my students, ask away”

“Does Wandr have anything to do with love potions?”

Blessedly, Slughorn didn’t seem at all interested in the provenance of Draco’s question, merely in the answering of it. “I suppose it might. There is some element of potioneering involved, and I believe the premise is not dissimilar to that of love potions. However, I think the potion is only a small part of it. There’s clearly some other kind of magic involved in the love matching process. Perhaps Professor Flitwick can be of more help, if you are interested in this kind of thing”

Of course it wouldn’t be that easy! Fine, Draco thought, he’d ask Flitwick. Anything to explain away that damn notification.

“Wandr? Yes, I’m familiar with it. I even used it myself in younger days, but alas I found it to be of no use. Plenty of matches and chemistry, but no love for me. I’m afraid the magic behind the system is a closely kept secret”

Draco put on his best studious expression. “They say it can never be wrong, that you have chemistry with all of your charms.”

“I can’t comment on that, I’m afraid. But it does have a certain reputation”

“Did I overhear correctly? Are you talking about Wandr?”

It was Professor Binns, dropped by to ask Flitwick a question but suddenly far more interested in the conversation he had found.

“Yes, Mr. Malfoy here was just asking about the magic behind it” Flitwick elaborated, but it was to no use. Binns had heard one word and he was latched on it.

“Yes, I remember when Wandr was first introduced. It wasn’t the first attempt at a Cupid replacement, people had been trying love matching for years”

Ordinarily, Draco would have rolled his eyes and walked away. But not today. This might be just what he was after. So he stayed, as Flitwick used his size to slip away unnoticed.

“It was 1857, I believe, when the first ever successful Wandr prototype was introduced to the lovestruck wizarding community. Invented by Arabella Zabini, an ancestor of your friend Mr Blaise Zabini, actually. Having played match maker to several of her friends, she decided she had a talent for it, one she could cash in. And so the first ever Wandr was born.”

“Yes, but how does-” Draco was cut off by a very stern look from Binns, who had not stopped talking.

“The original system involved the purchasing or an enchanted parchment. You would fill out your details and the information would be sent to Wandr HQ, where a group of nosy, matchmaking wives compared it to other profiles to choose a match for you. However, it was far too easy to lie on these forms, and verifying identities was impossible via parchment. This was where some of the first ever examples of what is now known as ‘boggarting’ were seen, where someone created a profile entirely unlike themselves and caused a poor fool to fall in love with a fiction.

Attempts were made to improve the ability to verify the user’s identity by using vellum instead of traditional parchment. This was back when people still believed in the magical qualities of vellum over similar options. However, this did nothing to identify so-called boggarts and, as Wandr’s popularity grew so did the problem. Some clever evildoers even began pretending to be real people. It all culminated in the Polyjuice Potion Boggarting Debarkle of 1864. A very messy business, I’m sure I don’t need to tell you”

Draco wanted to interrupt, to try and guide Binns towards something close to his area of enquiry, but the mention of this scandal stayed his tongue. Things just got interesting. “Actually, professor, I’m not sure I know about that”

“It was very simple. A group of bored old ladies signed up for Wandr and began impersonating various figures of power and influence in the society of the time. They essentially created parodies of these figures, taking all of their traits and beliefs to extremes. And they used these profiles to charm as many people as possible. Somehow, no one knows how and they never revealed their secrets, but somehow they acquired samples of all of the people they were impersonating and brewed Polyjuice potion. And, well… I don’t think the families have spoken about it since, and it’s probably best we don’t”

In all the years he had been teaching, no student had ever known Professor Binns voluntarily skip over something.

We shouldn’t talk about the Polyjuice Potion Boggarting Debarkle of 1864.

“Anyway, it was after that, ahem, incident that the current system was put in place, requiring actual essence of the person involved, rather like a Polyjuice potion, as well as the full-face verification process. Since then, Wandr has been the primary form of matchmaking for lonely magical folk worldwide. It had a disastrous economic impact on those who relied on matchmaking, such as fortune tellers and-”

Draco could sense a socio-economic tangent that he did not sign up for. He had to redirect Binns quickly. He searched his brain for appropriate sounding terminology.

“Actually, professor, I was more interested in the modern-era social impact of the system. For example, any issues caused by faulty matches”

The ghost paused for a moment, seeming to think. “Well in terms of modern impact, the system was recently exported by an opportunistic ancestor of the original Arabella Zabini into the muggle world. Disguised as new technology, the magical system is now spreading under labels such as Tinder and Grindr and is causing untold havoc among non-magic folk in the form of faulty matches”

“So, the system can be wrong?”

“Well it will take some long-term anthropological study, but the prevailing theory is that the magic simply does not work on muggles. Afterall, there is significant evidence suggesting that it is a flawless system for magical people. Your charms may not always result in a relationship, but there is most certainly always some chemistry.”

That was not the answer Draco had wanted.

He stomped away, angrily gripping his Wandr Portable. He flipped it open, glaring daggers at the profile photo smiling back at him. His eyes shone out of the water’s surface, wind rustling his mop of brown hair as he happily gripped a broom. The photo had been taken right after Gryffindor had beaten Slytherin in a quidditch match. Draco had been furious then, and he was furious now.

“Damn Potter” he muttered, finally swiping right on the photo.

Wandr is never wrong.


End file.
